Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he was CRYING into my vagina
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
