just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
