I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
