I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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