He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
