your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
