Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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