I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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