Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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