just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
