Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
