Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
