I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
