Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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