YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
