I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
