i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
