i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
the gays at disneyland are vicious
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
