Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
