Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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