Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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