Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
