I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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