At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
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I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
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It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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