I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
