I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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