Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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