I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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