I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
