I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He did a backflip because drugs
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
