I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
