yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize