I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
