NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
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We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
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we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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