Don't make out with my wife yet
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I lost the right to judge tonight
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
