so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
