you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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