I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
