THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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