i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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