its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
