I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just had sex on a roof
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
