im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
