Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
two words...techno handjob
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
