we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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