Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Randomize
