piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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