i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
her vagine was all disorganized.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
