got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
