She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize