Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize