Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
