It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
