i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
