she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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