I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
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when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
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I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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