I heard we made out
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
