Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My hand turned me down
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
