I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
