My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
