new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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