if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
