trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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